It is one of those days when nothing really seems to suffice. There seems to be a deficit in everything about me and in everything that surrounds me. There is a कमी.
There, indeed, was a time when I didn't heed much for either mediocrity or exceptionalism - a time when my happiness didn't depend on how good I compared with the rest or how bad; a time when I didn't despise the ordinary; a time when the knowing that my being falls somewhere in between the extremes didn't bother me. Why, now, do I question where on the line I fall? Why, now, do I put people into good-bad-ugly jars and take much care to space the jars well apart? Why, now, do I question if I am one among the best or a little less?
***
They drain me of my energy - the questions in my head. They dwell upon my skin like leeches and feed on the blood veining my body. Lethargic, I am left and as I sink back feeling looted of spirits, ugliness raise its head dismissing all traces of solace that I could offer myself. Cynicism surfaces from the filth within and bereaves me of any possible hope.
The deficiency that pervades my being wins an ugly win. Repugnantly, I shudder - many times in vain attempts to rise like the legendary phoenix.
***
A few words seem so wholesome that I sometimes wish I were as wholesome..as wholesome as words like कमी or lechery or ನಕ್ಷತ್ರ or poignancy ~ they fit their places so befittingly that no other word could substitute; they mean just what they are to mean, nothing more, nothing less.
Only if so was my being ..
There, indeed, was a time when I didn't heed much for either mediocrity or exceptionalism - a time when my happiness didn't depend on how good I compared with the rest or how bad; a time when I didn't despise the ordinary; a time when the knowing that my being falls somewhere in between the extremes didn't bother me. Why, now, do I question where on the line I fall? Why, now, do I put people into good-bad-ugly jars and take much care to space the jars well apart? Why, now, do I question if I am one among the best or a little less?
***
They drain me of my energy - the questions in my head. They dwell upon my skin like leeches and feed on the blood veining my body. Lethargic, I am left and as I sink back feeling looted of spirits, ugliness raise its head dismissing all traces of solace that I could offer myself. Cynicism surfaces from the filth within and bereaves me of any possible hope.
The deficiency that pervades my being wins an ugly win. Repugnantly, I shudder - many times in vain attempts to rise like the legendary phoenix.
***
A few words seem so wholesome that I sometimes wish I were as wholesome..as wholesome as words like कमी or lechery or ನಕ್ಷತ್ರ or poignancy ~ they fit their places so befittingly that no other word could substitute; they mean just what they are to mean, nothing more, nothing less.
Only if so was my being ..
